


DEH but most of them are Teletubbies but it's a Tree Bros fic but it's also Twilight but I've never read Twilight

by dedfish



Series: DEH but it's on crack and sometimes really OOC [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Teletubbies (TV), Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Crack, Dark Crack, Don't take any of this seriously, Edgy Crack, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Heidi/Cynthia is my only real ship tbh, I like ships but I also love exaggeration, I might have a sense of humor, I probably didn't tag this right, I want the moms to be together?, M/M, Multi, all of this is cursed, don't get your pantaloons in a twist, first fic and it's crack, i love comedy, no ships were harmed in the making of this, pwease don't take offense?, smutty crack, take all of this with a grain of salt, the plot is written while I slowly descend into madness, there's ships because what's a DEH fic without those?, this starts off kinda making sense then derails from there, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 13:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17081315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dedfish/pseuds/dedfish
Summary: help*this is completely unedited and I do not plan on editing it ever. it's beautiful*





	DEH but most of them are Teletubbies but it's a Tree Bros fic but it's also Twilight but I've never read Twilight

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry

The teletubbies, the vampires and the werewolves live in harmony or whatever. Connor is part of a sparkly clan of vampires. After Damien Notaref, a vampire in his clan, steals the staffs of imagination and reality from the peaceful Teletubbies, Connor's clan is forced into hiding. The werewolves are sent to look for the Suckers, and spot them over a TV program of an emerging baseball team called the Suckers. Evan, a fan of their team, is rescued by the Suckers after the werewolves torture him for answers. There, he meets Connor and Alana, two orphaned vampires picked up by the clan when their parents are killed by vampire hunters. They're close and best friends, and Evan becomes integrated in their lil group while Connor feels more than bloodlust for his friend. The two make out later while Alana ships the fuck out of them. Zoe is a unicorn centaur captured by humans, and who befriends Connor after he saves her. The two of them start to create a lasting bond when Evan, a dumb fuck he is, falls in love with her. He has to realize he's bisexual for it be a DEH fic, right? Anyways, Jared also loves Evan and was guarding him for years, but somehow he wasn't protecting Evan, now. Zoe falls for Alana (galaxy girls, amiright?) but Alana is ace and shrugs. Becuse aparently, ace means everyone is friend even if there are gay acees but sure. Jared finds Evan and has to apoloigize and then they make up and make out and Connor gets jealousu and tries to kill Jared. Evan holds them back like the weak ass diplomat he is. Zoe hurts herself and starts crying like an angel so Alana heals her up and the two have their first kiss. There is still unicorn blood on the ground and and the three of them get drunk off of unicorn blood and snog and threesome. Hieid is looking for Evan and finds him in a pile of bodies. But oh noos!! Connor bit Evan when they were snogging the first time so he'sbeen a vampire but the author was tryingf t lead up to that even thgo when his bloodlust is explained it significantly hints that. Anyways, drama. Heidi is hooked up with Cynthia (THIS SHIP WILL NEVER DIEEE) and it urtns out Connor is hal;f unicorn?!?! WQOAHAHAH! This whole time the gir;ls Heidi was seeing was Cynthia!! WHO IS CONNOR'S MOM! That means Zoe and Connor related?!?! WOAJSJ! So to celebrate Sincerely theee jas sex and cbecome a couple. OH NOES!! DAMIEN'S BACK! Damien attempts to seduce Connor and they make out because I can make them and Damien fools EVANr inrto taking the staffs!!!! THE WEREWOLVES CTAHC UP AND ARE LIKE WHOOOT WHY DOES A HUMAN HAS STAFF?11! Evan throws staff and pups fetch! The y fetch staff!! BUT THEY POISON EVAN WITH THEIR WERESPIT!! oH NoesSSS!!!!!!! CONNOR HAS TO DO THE THING THEY DPO IN THE END WHERE HE SUCKS POISON OUT. IT FATALLY WOUNDS HIM BECAUSE HE HALF UNICORN! ZOE SAD. EVAN SAD. ALL PEOPLE SAD. Connor dying but Jared save him with reciproctartion! AIR THING! His vampire sid e dies!! He comes bakc a unicorn and they all hug ahuim and cry and shit/ Then Evan and Connor marry! JARED IS THEIR GROOMASNBRIDE. Alana brings the rings and they share a cute sibling moment. They cute and shiut. LARRY COMES ABCK! HE WAS A TELETUBBY!! Connor faces off against his dads like Mal against Maleficent in diosney's dewscendants!! Alarry awas the oine who madeth ringsa. He marred a dwarf named Ruford ad theu m,ay shiot together! laos m, they gay! VERY GAYYYY ALL TYHE RIANBOWS!! everyone has a giant orgy (but noi tjhe parents! the adults stay out iof it as well as Zoe because she must be a pure, sweet bab uwu) AND THEN THEY REALIZE PLOT!! HERE, PLOT!! THE WEDDING IS DOUBLE CRASHED BNY THE TELETUBBIES. they bless the werewolves and do this weird stanaic thing and they livce happily ever after!! gay end!! did I mention gay?! SO MUCH GAY!1 ALL THE RAINBOWS! WOOOO they ALL GAU

**Author's Note:**

> Do you think that God stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he has created?


End file.
